Preparedness

Aug 1.
It's time.

The Engineer and I have been dancing around this topic for months now.  I'll move in as he moves away and then we will reverse roles.  I become obstinate.  Disheartened.  Skeptical.  Then hopeful and excited...then terrified.  I can't speak to his feelings and won't try to.

Love and comfort and safety are all wonderful, and then the spread begins.  I joke that he caught my fat, which I suppose isn't 100% jest.  There is research that supports the theory that we tend to pick up on the behaviors of those around us, including their lifestyles and maintenance behaviors.

I'm going to use rough language here because...well...Living in my head is rough sometimes and while I get that negative self-talk is a shitty thing, I'm also pretty real with myself.

I.

Am.

FAT.  Gloriously so, at times.  And dangerously so, at others.

I always have been, as long as I can remember.  There are pictures from my childhood that indicate I was a slender preschooler, but I remember my Kindergarten teacher commenting on how big my belly was getting.  Then I was put on a diet.  I learned early that Lean Cuisines are disgusting.

1st and 2nd grade pictures indicate I was maybe a tiny bit chubby, but by 3rd grade I was a roly-poly little fat girl.  Breasts, menses, and all that shit came very shortly thereafter, and the weight just kept on coming.

Home life was...eh.  This isn't the time or place.  Home life was such that food was an amazing comfort to me and I remember hoarding food in my room, binging on sweets and, once, half of a leftover baked ham.  I would eat until I hurt and the physical aching in my belly eased some of the other aching.

Long story short for now....Once a fat girl, always a fat girl.  It's really all I can remember.

And The Engineer, generally slender and active, seemed to have caught it from me.  We are happy.  Blissfully so (from my perspective) most of the time.  We are also BUSY.  Workouts and chopping up veggies went the way of long car trips for work and take out pizzas while we binged on Netflix.  We both stopped drinking for a long time, and sweets took the place of beers and (my favorite) margaritas.

I watch as people around me have decided to turn their lives around and make changes.  I watched my last boyfriend drop a human being worth of weight in a year.  I wanted to do it too, but fear stopped me from really trying.

But I guess it's time.  Impulsively, I purchased the book, The 4-Hour Body.  Another boyfriend had read it and used to to make some serious health improvements, and I remembered when I read parts of it years ago that the author champions the Minimally Effective Dose (MED), and using science and research to figure out the least effort possible to get the results you want.  I am a big fan of the MED.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to spend hours in a gym or running the streets.  I've participated in athletics, but never really been "Athletic."  I was always an alternate, or on B-Team.  I LOVE the MED, or at least the idea thereof when it comes to exercise.

One of the chapters is called (something like) How to Lose 20 Pounds in a Month without Exercise.  SIGN ME UP!  Let's do it!

So we've been reading, The Engineer and I.  And a couple weeks ago we decided to take the plunge and do it together.  Today, Saturday Aug, 1 is our last day of decadence before we begin.  The gist is 6 days of following the rules, followed by a cheat day where you just eat yourself stupid.  We had pizza and beer.

I'm scared.  I won't pretend that I'm not.  I have no idea if I can do this.  Except that I know for a fact that I can do this.  How's that for confusing?  I know there will be days that SUCK, especially as my body detox's from delicious white bread, chips, and SUGAR.  mmmmm Sugar.  Pasta.  Candy bars.  All the good things.  This will be difficult.  I'm glad I'm not doing it alone.

This blog is to record my progress, and also a place to rant and bitch and moan when I want to feed my face.  And a place to celebrate milestones and metamorphosis.  I'll be posting pictures (even the terrible ones), talking about food, and posting my measurements each week.

All in the black and white of internet permanence.