Hunger

It's Wednesday, and work is slow, and things are on my mind.

The Engineer and I had a conversation last night about hunger.  We are both hungry, which in nutritional terms means we aren't getting enough of something...probably protein.  By today, I am already getting sick of the texture of beans, and he's sick of gas.  I want to add more spinach and tomatoes, more chicken and fish.  But we are hungry and feeling deprived, and this struck us both as absolutely ridiculous.

We have spent the last four days eating vegetables of amazing quality,  beans aplenty, and beautiful fish, beef, and chicken.  We have enjoyed butter, a king's ransom of spices, and some of the best red wine I have tasted.  And still, we hunger.

For what?  We have more than enough.  Granted, we may not be eating enough calories, technically, but I guess what I'm getting at has nothing to do with our nutritional goals.  We are feeling deprived on this meal plan, when there are people, millions of people, who know actual hunger. 

What we are going through is self-induced and chosen.  It is a luxury we are afforded, to chose to be hungry, or chose to be gluttonous.    We are both mentally creating our cheat lists for Saturday, and I will just go ahead and say that I am embarrassed about my list.

Bread, sugar, ice cream, chips.  Luxuries.  And I plan on bingeing on them.  Or I was.

Now...I don't know.  The cravings are still here, and my list still exists.  I will eat some of these forbidden foods on my cheat day, but I will do so mindful of the great privilege I have to make that choice.  The privilege that I live in a world where it feels like deprivation to eat only juicy luscious vegetables and succulent, clean meats.  How insane is that?

But this world I live in, this privilege I have as an American...as an "Upper Class" American, according to current economic definitions, this is the world that helped create the health crisis I am in right now.  This privilege, and my all-too-long lack of awareness of it being a privilege, has created this Fat Girl.

I wish I could end this thought with something life changing or epiphanic, but I got nothing.  Nothing but awareness....and pause.