Happy Birthday for One

I had considered cheating...just a little...because today is my birthday.  I thought that I might allow myself one piece of candy as a reward for- what?  Not dying yet?  Making it to 33 years.  I asked The Engineer what he would do, if it were his birthday.  Would he cheat, just a little.  He didn't answer the question.  He never answers those kind of questions.  Instead, all he said was that it seems our results are directly related to the degree to which we follow the plan.  Which, in a way was an answer.

I am having great results so far.  I am not weighing myself everyday, but I feel amazing, and jeans that I just bought a few weeks ago are already loose on me.  I have energy, and I am feeling proud of my progress and efforts.  I am starting to see changes in the mirror, as well.  A thinning in my face, and a slimming of my sides, if only slightly.

I was forced to cheat slightly at breakfast.  Well...forced is a strong word.  I needed to eat breakfast, and I was in a hotel.  Plain eggs, and some sort of protein/meat are generally things I can count on.  But the eggs at this particular hotel: Cheese omelets.  So my choice was to eat a little dairy with my eggs, or have only bacon for breakfast.  I decided to eat some eggs, bacon, and have a protein shake after.  I knew the likelihood of having time for lunch was slim.

Lunch ended up being some bell pepper slices, half an avocado, and another protein shake.

The Engineer and I both frequently work out of town, me more often than him (every week to his every month or so).  Occasionally, our out of town trips overlap, and sometimes...they fall on special occasions.

Today, on my birthday...I was working in Southeastern KY, and he was somewhere in Virginia.  we had plans to meet up for dinner and go to a steakhouse for meat and vegetables...and good wine.

I left my clinic at about 4:30, and around 5:30 he texted that he would not be back in town until after 11pm.  I was sad.  I actually cried a little because I am a girl and it is my birthday, and I wanted to spend it with someone other than clients telling me their worst life stories.  I wanted to eat dinner with my love and snuggle up with him and enjoy my birthday.

I remembered then how I use food to cover emotions that are unpleasant.  As the tears subsided, I had an intense urge...a craving for something sweet and comforting.  I wanted ice cream.

There is a place on the drive back from the clinic I call The Ice Cream Castle.  It's just a gas station, but the building looks like something one would find at Disney World:

  
And inside? A Baskin Robbins ice cream shop.  It is tradition for me to stop and get two scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream in a waffle cone.

Today, I desperately wanted that ice cream cone.  I was going to spend my birthday alone.  Isn't that a sad thought?  I was going to spend my birthday alone fuck it, I want ice cream.

I decided to put on an audiobook instead, to distract me.  Well fuck all.  Jodi Picoult can go eat a dick, because I cried for the next hour, and we were only on chapter 1 of Sing You Home.

The Engineer told me I could open my birthday presents when I got home.  He didn't want me to wait on him.  The offer made me sadder.  I wanted to wait for him.

I did not stop for ice cream.  I wanted to.  It was a struggle not to.  I wanted to feel good, and I had a moment of forgetting how to feel good without something sweet or something bread-like.  Food is my most trusted comfort, and I was choosing to deal with my emotions rather than feed them.  It was difficult.  I decided to just keep crying and feel it.  Seems like I'm crying a lot lately, but when major changes are happening- well aren't those usually painful, even when they are glorious?

I drove right past my Ice Cream Castle.  I was too into the book I was listening to, and crying about it.  Once I stopped crying (again)  I decided to get a good steak and cauliflower, both of which are definitely compliant with the diet.  I also got a bottle of my favorite West Virginia wine.  I'd cook up the steak, mostly rare, and steam the cauliflower until mushy, and beat with butter and garlic for something like mashed potatoes but healthier.  I'd wait for The Engineer to get home and then I'd open my presents.

That was...until I got home and saw the bag.

 
 Well shiiiiiit.  Have we entered the part of the relationship where giving jewelry is appropriate?  We live together now, officially...but Jewelry?!?!  AHHHHH!  This immediately improved my mood.

Don't misunderstand...I'm not someone who needs jewelry to know that someone loves me.  I don't have a meter by which I measure the quality of the relationship that is scored with diamonds and gemstones or silver and gold.  I love practical gifts, useful gifts...the gifts that sit-coms make fun of (blenders, vaccums, things I will USE over and over).  Books are great gifts, but generally I'm one to ask for gift cards.  Let me choose because I'm pretty independent and I'm also picky sometimes.

I've only received jewelry as a present one other time (from a partner) that was not my engagement ring.  My first husband gave me a beautiful white gold bracelet with delicate diamond chips.  It is beautiful and I still wear it sometimes.

So to see this bag made me very excited! This doesn't happen much and I had to sneak a peak.  There were 2 boxes inside.  TWO!

Ok...I opened them.  I coudn't wait, I needed to see what this lovely amazing man had picked for me!

Oh my.  Ohhhhh myyyyy.  Daddy did good!  His taste is phenomenal and he really does know me.

Blue saphire and diamond earrings, and a ring.  The ring needs to be sized, it only fits on my pinky right now.  But oh my goodness.  This man.  I love this man.  I love him without the pretties...but goodness these are lovely.  I cried (AGAIN!) when I opened them.

I put the earrings in immediately and cooked with them on, singing my favorite songs and forgetting that I was eating alone.

I made my dinner, poured my wine.  It was delicious.  Now I'm writing this blog and watching a movie I'd been meaning to watch for awhile now, and I am having a delightful birthday.

The Engineer will be home soon.  I think I'll leave the earrings in tonight. :-)