Outta spoons and fucks.

Today was one of those unspeakably terrible days that you just can't quite describe in full horror with human words.  Lions might have a word for it, or baby seals...but not humans.  I'm going to run down a list of today's events, then explain.

1.  First client of the day was late, and was a tiny little cunt-in-training.  She was accompanied by Grand-Mothercunt.

2. I was in such a sudden and intense level of pain from a medical issue that I got dizzy and threw up.

3.  I got home after a 12 hour day to find the dogs (really, just one of the dogs, but because I didn't see it I shant point fingers at thelittle bitch hiding her face under the table), had torn apart a full kitchen trashcan and left me presents to clean up all over the downstairs.

4.  Someone (this time I really mean someone...could have been me, could have been The Engineer, as we were both late as fuck getting up today, or could have- more than likley- been the goddamn cat) left the bedroom door open and aforementioned dogs wallowed in the bed.  They are shedders.

Is that all?  I think that's all.  Really, I don't need any more than that.  I ran out of spoons.*

Three of the four above are pretty common occurrences, actually.  And don't generally bother me much.  But number two?  That was the variable that made it all topple.

I suffer (and I do mean *suffer*) from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and Endometriosis. Both of these issues can be painful.  Together? They can knock me out.  What are they?  Google it.  Basicially PCOS means lots of cysts (poly) on your ovaries (ovarian-duh).  Endometriosis is what happens when the endometrial tissue that lines the uterus goes rogue and implants on other organs (ovaries, Fallopian tubes, cervix), and even up the spine and onto the kidneys in some severe cases.

I'm in pain when I ovulate, when I have my period, and sometimes any-damn-time my cunt feels like torturing me.  Some months are better than others, definitely.  Diet and exercise do influence changes.  (For instance, prolonged gluten abstinence significantly decreased period-cramps, and yoga helps decrease overall pain levels everywhere).  But sometimes it feels like chance.

I was a week late, which is abnormal.  Of all the symptoms I have, I tend to be regularish, which is unique.  I have noticed a correlation (not 1.0, but still...upward) that the later my period starts, the more severe the pain I'll have during.  I was 6 days late, this month.  Started this morning.  And 6 hours later, the pain hit.  I had just eaten lunch (late, rushed, and soup) when the dizziness hit.  I felt feverish and sweaty, and then the pain.  Familiar, not alarming.  And nearly unbearable.  And then my lunch left me.

The only other time it was this bad, I ended up in the ER with a suspected ectopic.  Test was negative.  It was the PCOS and endo.

Today was a severe pain (9 of 10) kind of day.  It took most of my spoons to deal and see clients, most of whom were either very cranky or were in the throws of an emotional crisis.  I'm not the most woo, but I'm pretty sure one of them shot her negative energy at me and I absorbed it because the pain kept me open and unshielded.

The drive home was long (but I skipped the ice cream castle this time), and a long drive in pain feels endless.  Then to come home and the house...the dogs.  *Sigh*

I slammed a few doors (satisfying), and smacked a wall (that hurt).  Then I worked out (kettlebells, mytatic crunches, and front and side planks).  I exhausted my poor self.  Sweat everywhere.  Jumped in a coldcold shower, poored wine, and made a steak salad.  I feel better.  Or at least, am unperturbed by my lack of spoons and fucks at this moment.

Texts from The Engineer and The Professor (a new, hopefully not just walk-on character) helped improve my mood.  Took some pain killers and life is ok.  I had a dark chocolate Hershey bar on the way home, when I stopped for Tylenol.  Blood sugar was low and I had run out of Plan Fucks.  Chocolate was being consumed, aight?

And as I sit and think, the wine kicking in and food hitting my belly, I recognize the glorious hyperbole of my first sentences.  Was today bad?  Yes.  But I'm alive, and the pain has left, as it always does.  All limbs are in tact, my loved ones are safe.  I have said wine and food and belly.  It was bad.  And now it's over.  Tomorrow, I get more spoons?

*Spoons is a reference to this article on Spoon Theory for chronic health conditions.  My PCOS and endo are chronic, but not always a problem.  I also suffer from depression and anxiety that take spoons, on occasion, also.

Here's the article, if you are interested.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/